I am a privileged white woman. I am not on the top of the food chain, but only second to my husband who is a privileged white man. We are hard working Americans. I am a wife. I am a mother. I am a lover of Jesus. I have family and friends who are in law enforcement. I have family and friends who are black. I back the blue and I know that black lives matter. I couldn’t sleep all night and I am heartbroken and sick today.
Anything I have to say seems trivial considering what’s going on in the world. All morning I have read quotes online from Mr. Rogers, Maya Angelou, and Martin Luther King. All of the quotes are true and yet I read them so often these days, the words are starting to lose their power.
I have no idea what it is like to wake up being afraid for my son because of the color of his skin. I have no idea what it is like to send my husband into this scary world every day to face violence. I am ashamed to say that I am thankful on both accounts.
I wouldn’t normally say anything publicly about this week. I hate politics and I don’t feel like my voice has a place in this. This morning I changed my mind. Here’s the thing; I don’t know what to say.
If I say black lives matter, I am against the police. If I say I back the blue, then I support officers who have committed murder. If I say all lives matter then I am ignoring the racism that is killing people in this country. If I say to hug your babies tighter, I am not making a difference. If I say I’m sorry, no one cares, how are my apologies helpful?
Just because we don’t know what to say doesn’t mean say nothing.
I am devastated over the tragedies that have taken place this week in our country. I am heartbroken for all the families who lost their loved ones. I am so sad for black people who live in fear, who feel inferior to me because of the color of our skin. I am sickened by the white people who continue to breed racism or pretend it doesn’t exist. But I am also done blaming everything on racism.
I am scared of the brutality taken out on the innocent officers who serve and protect. I am tired of the division in this country. I am angry we can’t trust our government or our media. I am disgusted with the media sensationalizing hate and deciding what crimes are relevant to report. And I am sick to death that we are still killing one another. We have become the terrorist, against each other, in our own country.
My heart is heavy. I have spent a lot of time today on my knees, begging God to heal and restore the brokenness. I find comfort in knowing He will overcome the world. And today, I am doing something. I am starting a conversation. We can make a difference. My voice matters. My actions matter.
You can make a difference.
Be the light in this world. Stop spreading the hate. Stop assuming you know all the facts based on bias media coverage and Facebook videos. Not all Black Lives Matter supporters are violent; many are devastated, scared mothers just like me. Not all police officers are abusing their power, most, in fact, are facing more danger with each passing day than anyone else.
Start with yourself. Every day wake up and be better, do better. Start with your own families, friends, neighbors, and co-workers. Forgive each other, see the good, extend grace, bring positivity into the world. Have compassion, reach out to those hurting, hold each other’s hands, be the example for your children. Jen Hatmaker has called for the peacemakers. Be a peacemaker. Be a lover of people. Have the hard conversations. Be the change.